VERY ATTRACTIVE GUY.

WHO IS TWENTY.
AND HOT.
AND EVERYTHING MY BRAIN IS SPASMING.
Yeah. I'm not like, obsessed.
I showed a friend photos of him, and she was literally speechless. That's how hot he is.
Like, most amazing since Andrew Lee Potts WHO I just noticed today he looks a little bit like.
But, I mean, so much out of my league.
Still amazingly hot though.

Failure.

I gained weight last week.
HAVE TO FAST.
NEED TO.
Gonna try again tomorrow.
I really want to lose like, seven kgs. In a month. If that's possible.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

FAIL.
YOU FAIL.
How about, you just stop eating? Why do you even eat? You don't even get hungry. It's ridiculous.
Just sew your lips together. Or something.
Fatty.

Whoops.

Kay, so I failed again today.
But not as bad as the other day, I think.
So if I fast for the next two days I should still be under sixty by Monday. THEN TO BEING HEALTHY. Well, kinda.

FOOD.

Y U TEMPT ME!?
Haven't eaten yet. But I'm scared. Not hungry in the slightest. Just craving. |:

Yay. (: Another success.

I successfully fasted today. Hopefully tomorrow will work as well. (:
And Saturday and Sunday...
Then I'm changing my plan slightly.
Half a serve of oatmeal, because it's supposed to burn fat, made with water instead of milk, and artificial sweetner, which I'll be buying tomorrow, for breakfast, and soup for lunch.
Nothing else.
I'm scared of eating again already 'cause not eating will screw up my metabolism, but I suppose because I will have fasted four days, and I'll still not be eating too many calories, I'll still lose weight.
ALSO LOTS OF WATER. Must drink ALL THE WATER.
I didn't do as good with he water today.
But I feel good. (: Whenever I've eaten lately, it's made me feel sick. Not eating's making me feel so good. :D
I hope I keep it up.
ALSO, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I LOVE YOU. You're gorgeous. And You deserve to be happy. xxx

Fuuuccckk.

Mum's noticed I'm obsessing over something. She doesn't know what though. Which makes it slightly better. I need to move out...

Goal.

Must be under 60kgs by Monday.

Fast.

First day of fast: SUCCESS.
Second day of fast: FAIL.
I binged. Multiple times.

So, to fix that I'm fasting until Monday.
And I'll make it.
I've gone through magazines looking for thinspo to stick in my wallet so that it's with me at all times.
Our printer is... Non-existent. ^^

I feel sick, from all the food. I haven't even been tempted to eat today yet. Ugghh.
So, I suppose that's a good thing.
Woot.
(:

Nobody reads this, do they...?

Woot.

So, I weighed myself Monday and I was at 62.3. Not too bad...
I failed yesterday though. And I'm going out Friday to the zoo.
So I'm fasting until then. Doing good today so far. (:

Happy post. |:

I stuck to my diet yesterday.
Well.
Until I had friends over and got real drunk of high cal alcohol.
NO MORE DRINKING.
I feel like shit. I'm scared of being alone. But nobody will be with me. I literally have offered people EVERYTHING to be here.
I had a threesome last night. Not even kidding.
I was so drunk I couldn't control my hands properly so I presume I was pretty shit.
I'm so scared of being alone.
I literally would have killed myself today if my Mum wasn't already going through a heap of shit already. She doesn't need her selfish daughter fucking things up even more.
I can't do anything right.
I can't be alone any more.
I'm scared.

I did weigh myself, it was sixty three point seven.
First day: Epic fail. D: Like, binging all day.
Second day: I didn't have breakfast, and I forgot to take lunch so I got a bar that had 160 calories that I ate slowly during the day 'cause it was gross... and then soup for dinner. So it wasn't a complete fail.
Third day (today): Got up about twelve thirty, had one weet bix with skim milk and I'm gonna have soup for dinner, so I'm skipping a meal, but it doesn't count 'cause I was asleep...
^^
Weighing myself again on Monday.
Scared...
I was talking to this guy from my course, and insecurities kinda came out, he's just a mate. And I said I liked this guy but I was too fat and weird looking for him to like me back. He said I wasn't fat... But that he wasn't going to lie, I wasn't slim either. That I'm normal sized. Apart from the fact that I am NOT normal sized, I don't want to be just normal. |: So it kind of motivated me to stop with the binging.
Woot.

KAY. I WILL DO THIS.

Plans for my new diet.
Weet bix with skim milk for breakfast.
Soup for lunch and dinner.
The different kinds of soup have different amounts of calories in them, but I won't go over five hundred calories a day.
(: I just have to work out an exercise plan.
I went shopping today and got enough to last me the first six days.
I'ma stick to this one. I love soup, so it should be easy.
I'll actually update you every day this time.
I will do this.
If you're reading this, I love you. ^^ For still reading my blog even though it's been filled with failures.

I've been binging a lot lately, so I would have gone up in weight a lot. Probably around 64 - 65. ): I'll weigh myself tomorrow morning. Then again on Monday, and every Monday after that. Just so you know what's going on. :P If you were wondering.

HAHAHA. I suck.

So, I figured out my problem. Yeah, I'm slow.
Boredom eating.
I was good today. I had three pieces of sushi, and yeah, that was still three pieces too much. But it wasn't terrible. But then I got home. Two bowls of noodles with cheese and egg, a sandwhich, a piece of cake, and a spoonful of nutella. Pretty much in one go. LIKE A FUCKING BOSS.
I WASN'T EVEN HUNGRY.
So, I'm gonna get books. Lots of books, because that's the only solution I can come up with right now? Maybe ask my pretty lady Lissy if I can borrow one of her charmed dvds?
I LOVE YOU LISSY.
Any other ideas to keep me occupied and my mind off food?
I will love you forever...
<3

I got amazingly beautiful shoes today. RED DOCS WITH EMBOSSED FLOWERS.

Two hundred and fifty dollars right thurr.

OH WOW.

I had no reason to binge today.
I had the perfect opportunity to not eat and have nobody wonder why. There's nobody to wonder!
Ugh.
I am SO GOOD AT FAILING.
Food isn't even that good!
Why do I keep eating it!?
And getting fatter!?
I always feel good before I eat and terrible during and after!
It's just like a terrible habit.
D: D:
What am I supposed to do to break it?

Sorry.

For bailing out, and not sticking to the plan.
Today is Tuesday the ninth of March. I weigh 62.3 kgs.
I'm currently fasting.
I'm so sick of things being how they are, and I can't figure out how to change them.
But I can change my body.
And I will.
(:

My stomach.

Yeah. ... The first ones a picture I drew of myself.
I look pregnant...

I have one thing to say.

WHAT MAKES FOOD SO GODDAMNED HARD TO STAY AWAY FROM!?!?!!?